Bored to Death
November 14th, 2011

Bored to Death

I wonder if the people who make AMC’s The Walking Dead realize that everyone’s favorite character is the redneck Daryl? He’s obviously not the star of the show, but he should be. I’d much rather watch a show where Daryl and his pals drive around the country in the back of a pickup truck drinking Natural Light and shooting zombies than listen to Rick and Lori talk about their feelings or that old guy say something to that blonde girl about guns or see that one guy with his shirt off all the time have an emotional break down.

Glenn can go with them. His job will be very important. It will be to find the Natural Light, a duty given only to those Daryl trusts most. And Bill Bixby Hulk is there, too. And maybe the Ultimate Warrior. But, like, current conservative politically minded Ultimate Warrior but still wearing tassels on his other tassels. He’s the bad guy in charge of the zombies somehow.

-cof

^ 40 Comments...

  1. Jordan

    And with that description, you have created the only show that the world will ever need again.

    [Reply]

    DADICUS Reply:

    HELL YES BROTHER!!!

    In the most Hulkamaniac voice I can muster………..LOL
    Ah, Rednecks how long I have loved watching your exploits!

    [Reply]

  2. Chris Graves

    Daryl leveled up to motherfucking Rambo/Brock Samson status. Whens the action figure out :D

    [Reply]

  3. Koltreg

    Wait. Which guy is Glenn?

    [Reply]

    zark169 Reply:

    He’s “that asian guy”. In the comics he’s probably the most likable character, and so far in the show they haven’t ruined the character so I’m glad.

    [Reply]

    Koltreg Reply:

    Oh. I’d been calling him Euge in my head.

    [Reply]

    A Silver Mt. Paektu Reply:

    So. Racist.

  4. Brad Curran

    Something tells me that Warrior would still be bitching about Hulk Hogan even if he was in charge of the zombies somehow.

    [Reply]

    zark169 Reply:

    Who knows, maybe the zombies were his final solution to dealing with Hulk Hogan.

    [Reply]

  5. lynn

    why’d they have to go and make the redneck guy so frickin’ hot in the show? i don’t even care about rick anymore. i just wanna hop on that chopper and ride off into the sunset…

    [Reply]

  6. lynn

    and i’m somehow equally attracted to the scared little puppy-dog face korean guy….kid?

    [Reply]

  7. StripeyC

    I love the comic books, Glenn is truely awesome in them and Rick is a total bad ass. Lost faith in the show the moment they changed things – I know that is a typical geek response but I love the books because they are not all Hollywoodified. The books were far more about the characters and not much about the zombies.

    [Reply]

    Zombie-Man Reply:

    But people would hate having a zombie tv show that is not about the zombies. That kind of think only works in comics or books.

    [Reply]

  8. Joseph Brian Scott

    Why don’t they give the zombs a supernatural origin, instead of a sciencey one? That would be a little different. And make them a little faster, but not too much. Like walk-running. I’ve never read the comics so I don’t have any loyalty issues there.

    [Reply]

    chrishaley Reply:

    Simon Pegg on why zombies shouldn’t run..

    “ZOMBIES DON’T RUN!

    I know it is absurd to debate the rules of a reality that does not exist, but this genuinely irks me. You cannot kill a vampire with an MDF stake; werewolves can’t fly; zombies do not run. It’s a misconception, a bastardisation that diminishes a classic movie monster. The best phantasmagoria uses reality to render the inconceivable conceivable. The speedy zombie seems implausible to me, even within the fantastic realm it inhabits. A biological agent, I’ll buy. Some sort of super-virus? Sure, why not. But death? Death is a disability, not a superpower. It’s hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all.

    More significantly, the fast zombie is bereft of poetic subtlety. As monsters from the id, zombies win out over vampires and werewolves when it comes to the title of Most Potent Metaphorical Monster. Where their pointy-toothed cousins are all about sex and bestial savagery, the zombie trumps all by personifying our deepest fear: death. Zombies are our destiny writ large. Slow and steady in their approach, weak, clumsy, often absurd, the zombie relentlessly closes in, unstoppable, intractable.

    However (and herein lies the sublime artfulness of the slow zombie), their ineptitude actually makes them avoidable, at least for a while. If you’re careful, if you keep your wits about you, you can stave them off, even outstrip them – much as we strive to outstrip death. Drink less, cut out red meat, exercise, practice safe sex; these are our shotguns, our cricket bats, our farmhouses, our shopping malls. However, none of these things fully insulates us from the creeping dread that something so witless, so elemental may yet catch us unawares – the drunk driver, the cancer sleeping in the double helix, the legless ghoul dragging itself through the darkness towards our ankles.”

    Full article here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/nov/04/television-simon-pegg-dead-set

    [Reply]

    Joseph Brian Scott Reply:

    Walk-running isn’t running.

    [Reply]

    chrishaley Reply:

    I was really just looking for an excuse to post that somewhere in these comments and you were the first person to use the word “run”.

    Please do not take it personally, Joseph Brian Scott.

    Rusty Reply:

    i fanboi for Simon Pegg pretty hard, but he kinda just sounds butt hurt in this case and doesn’t explain any “real” reason beyond “that’s just not how its done”

    [Reply]

  9. Tony DiGerolamo

    Yes. This. So bored where there are no zombies on the screen.

    [Reply]

  10. Patrick

    Thank you for expressing in a great comic and rant, what all of us feel!

    Also I dunno about the Ultimate Warrior, you remember some of his monologues back in the day? That guy could go on as much as anyone in this show.

    [Reply]

  11. thenoirguy

    They have easily made Daryl the most likable character on the show because he gets shit done instead of standing around talking about his emotions. Though having said that, I do have a sneaking suspicion they pushed more drama because this is the season without money, and hopefully next season when they have more moolah to play with, they’ll actually give their characters something to do.

    Also, when’s the last time someone died? What’s up with that? Is that Sophia thing still a thing? Can we just move on and take the death?

    [Reply]

  12. Zakspeed

    What you are suggesting is not AMC’s Waling Dead (bleh) or even Skybound’s Walking Dead (cool). You are suggesting Zombieland – the series (awesome!).

    [Reply]

    Somebody Reply:

    Shawn of the Dead, the series.

    [Reply]

  13. oranparker

    No truer comic has ever been written. Every time I think about the show I always gravitate to any scene with Daryl. I dig on the comic—no doubt—but the show? Well, I tend to agree with everything about this post… more Daryl, less talking… and talking… and talking. Isn’t it ironic that the post-show show is called the “The Talking Dead?” I’m sick of Shane. Sick of Rick. Sick of Lori. Sick of Andrea. Kind of sick of Carl too. Let’s get Daryl, Glen, and Dale on the road. Those cats’d be just fine. Funny how I don’t feel the same way about the comic books. Weird.

    [Reply]

  14. hayduke666

    I didn’t get to see the most recent episode, but I’m not that concerned. Because, Yeah, it’s pretty boring. Heck, there was a recent episode where you didn’t even see a zombie until about 40 minutes into it. Also, most of the characters are kind of annoying. Also also, I don’t like it that there are so many characters that we just don’t know hardly anything about (“old guy”, “Asian guy”, “African-American guy”). It’s like they’re just there for Shane and Laurie (the “important” characters) to get over-wrought around :(

    [Reply]

  15. Donald

    I find it funny that everyone is complaining about the show having so much “talking” between characters. The Comics are about Character development, survival, the interaction between the Characters etc… Not just about them running from Zombies. So you want it to stay true to the comic… but be more action packed? Its easy when you’re reading a 100-page graphic novel to make it fast, dirty, and fun… Not so easy with a 60 minute episode where you are trying to develop the characters.

    [Reply]

  16. Zakspeed

    The problem is not that they are talking. The problem is that they are always talking about the same thing over and over and over again. And fuck TV! Andrea should be a teenager and fuck grampa trailer.

    [Reply]

  17. Donald Please

    Donald, the difference between the comic and TV show both being dialogue heavy is that the comic is well written, tightly paced, and dramatic. It gives you many compelling reasons to be interested in characters through the choices they make, and you care about their fate. The writing on the show is just awful. Aside from Daryl and Glenn, the rest of them can all die in a fire for all I care. Their incessant bitching is meaningless to me because I was never made to care about any of them.

    [Reply]

  18. Donald Please

    And the pacing, lord I forgot to mention the pacing on the show. It is plodding and terrible. How many fucking episodes have they been looking for Sophia? How much plot development is in each episode? They are dragging it out excruciatingly so.

    [Reply]

  19. Atticus Jackson

    you guys nailed this perfectly

    you guys are so good at nailing

    [Reply]

  20. Wade

    I’m over The Walking Dead. It was better when Rick was Jack and everyone was on an island.

    [Reply]

  21. deebeemonster

    I finally read this one because I was terrified it was gonna spoil something from the show (I’ve only gotten halfway through Season 1), but I’m glad I did.

    “EXCUSE ME, we are trying to talk here!”

    [Reply]

  22. Somebody

    The zombies in this show are not even zombies. They call them “walkers”. I don’t think they even like eating brains.

    [Reply]

  23. Mike

    PREVIOUSLY ON WALKING DEAD
    BLABLABLABLABLA
    BLABLABLABLA
    ONE MOMENT, BANG!
    BLABLABLABLABLABLABLABBBBLLLLAAAA!!!

    [Reply]

  24. A Daryl Dixon Day « longboxofawesome

    [...] frustration with The Walking Dead. The comic is below, but you can read the comic and the rant here (or just click on it below to get a larger view). While you’re there, take some time and go [...]

  25. blah

    Seems like you want an action show with constant zombie killing and no character development, go play a video game

    [Reply]

  26. mike

    I don’t want to play video game!
    I want to see 24 with a lot zombie, suspence, action…
    Not the fucking little house on the prairie!
    It’s a remake, no?
    I think!

    [Reply]

  27. mike

    I am the zombie when i look this show.

    [Reply]

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