Revisionist History
September 9th, 2011

Revisionist History

Orson Scott Card’s taken heat for his stance on gay marriage before, but his opinions were usually just limited to editorial or opinion pieces, which nobody cares about, because who reads newspapers anymore.

But there’s something extra devious about weaving your opinions into a story, especially a story as classic as Hamlet. It’d be like rewriting Batman’s origin to say that Joe Chill only murdered Thomas and Martha because Chill was gay. Also, Krypton exploded because it was gay. Uncle Ben got shot because, guess why? HE WAS BLACK. Flipped the script on you. The racist, homophobic script.



  1. David Lomax

    This was the best ever. That is all.


  2. zark169

    This comic: hilarious. Card: not so much. Not only is his “Hamlet” ridiculously homophobic, but it makes no god damned sense under any close scrutiny.


  3. MartiniManJoe

    Bababoey bababoey ….howard stern


  4. Gene Ha

    Let me disagree with you on the Batman and Joe Chill example.

    In Card’s version, Joe Chill is a good man who stopped the crime spree of gay pedophiles Dr. Thomas Wayne and his cross-dressing partner Martin “Wayne”. “Martha Wayne” returns as a bat out of Hell to inspire Bruce to attack the pillars of society, inspiring copycats to dress in flamboyantly gay outfits like the Joker and the Riddler.


  5. Derek

    It’s pretty messed up that he wrote a book called xenophobia wherein he basically condemns genocide and, well, xenophobia. “Look, if a pig alien wants to share genes with a tree, that’s one thing, but dudes kissing? And with rings on, and like, getting tax breaks? Gross.”


    Kadin Reply:



  6. Charlotte

    It’s not even the blatant homophobia that really gets me – Card lay that, ahem, card on the table a long time ago. I’m actually more surprised by people who DON’T know he’s a bigoted prick.

    Nor am I surprised that the titular “bad father” is, in addition to being gay, a pedophile as well. That’s a basic tenet of homophobics – being a gay man really means you like diddling little boys, all queers are threats to your children, yada yada yada. It’s like a pill-addled Michele Bachmann speech dialed up to eleven. The fact that Card writes Hamlet’s father as molesting Horatio, Laertes, et al. is expected.

    No, the thing that really grosses me out is that Card writes all of the victims of molestation by Hamlet’s father as becoming gay themselves – that he truly thinks that being sexually abused literally, actually turns men gay. That’s just fucked up.

    What’s even more fucked up is when you place the idea that “molesting little boys turns them gay” in context with Card’s belief that “all gay men are evil.” So not only did these characters suffer a great trauma, but in Card’s mind they are actually supposed to be reviled for what they have become as a result of that trauma. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are written as pitiable co-dependents. Horatio is a murderer. And, according to homophobic’s time-honored tradition of conflating gay men with child molesters, each former victim is just as likely to victimize someone themselves.

    It’s possibly the most insidious form of blaming the victim there is. To Card, male victims of sexual abuse by men are inherently bad people. They’re subhuman.

    Yeah, real nice, right?

    Although, if Card is that grosses out by the homos, then why’s he adapting Shakespeare in the fist place? I guess he never read any of the sonnets old Will addressed to a “fair [male] youth.” Pfft. Dilettante.


    Curt Reply:

    Charlotte, your point is better than the one we made. I didn’t consider that and it’s even more fucked up and insidious than what we inferred.


  7. Charlotte

    tl;dr Charlotte takes herself way too seriously and should probably go to bed, goddammit.


  8. Tacobob

    Man, that is SO GAY!


  9. Eddie Joe

    As a card-carrying (non-molested-as-a-kid) homo, I just want to say thanks for the awesome comic and wonderful comments. Growing up, I used to be scared of the world and how it was going to hate me for being who I am. I did not anticipate that the world would be full of amazing, accepting people – many of them straight. I just didn’t realize the world could be so wonderful.

    This comic/threaded conversation meant more to me than a gay pride parade.


  10. luminum

    You guys are pretty great. Same sentiments as Eddie Joe. (Charlotte kicks ass, too.)


  11. Brainy Pirate

    Nice — and your commentary is equally good!


  12. chudleycannonfodder

    Woah, did not know about the Hamlet; thanks for the link. At first I thought this was a joke about Stan Lee’s Romeo and Juliet, but, woah, that’s some messed up stuff in the link.


  13. David

    Card claims that the book contains no gay characters:

    (The spelling error is in the html link itself, by the way.)

    Which is just kind of odd…


  14. David

    By the way, posted this in my Twitter feed to draw attention to the situation AND to recommend some gay-friendly books. Yay! There’s a Twitter meme about it:

    #buyabiggaynovelforscottcardday This is why: Recommendations compiled here:


  15. lynn

    huh. interesting. you guys have been to my knowledge of comics what the daily show has been to my knowledge of current events: informative while keeping my attention with laughs and commentary. WELL DONE!


  16. A Silver Mt. Paektu

    Required reading on Card:

    Short version: “Ender” is an apologia for Hitler, Card doesn’t get how professional debate/criticism works, and may not have actually even written “Ender” in the first place.


  17. Sedna

    I salute you all- the LBFA crew and you thoughtful commenters alike. OSC is the chief of all jerkwads, and I will be going out to buy a big gay scifi novel in his honor. HA!


  18. AdamYJ

    Isn’t Shakespeare messed up enough without people doing this kind of crap to it?


  19. lighthousepilot

    Shifting gears a bit – This is also really gorgeous to look at. This is some seriously nice drawing, Mr. Haley, and the colors are pretty sweet as well. That little bit of pink in the horizon = NICE. And it doesn’t hurt that Juliet is a fox.


  20. Rizz Rustbolt

    Methinks the author doth protest too much.

    (Card, that is. Not the LBFA guys. Of course they could be closet Orson Scott Card fans as well. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)


  21. Pedard

    “Wherefore” is one word; and it’s “why”, so your punctuation really makes the sentence flow a bit weirdly. “Why are you, Romeo?” I guess it’s a more philosophical take than the original “Why are you Romeo?” (If the question seems odd, it’s because of a lack of context; see the following lines / the whole exchange.)

    That’s all I’ve got.


  22. GAFanboy

    So… Orson Scott Card has basically made a living publishing his own slash fiction? Stephanie Meyer, I’ve found you a match…


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