Black Polygag
June 22nd, 2011

Black Polygag

You know, I think this is our first ever Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark gag. The play what with all the injuries and the Southern Lex Luthor and what nots. Maybe they wouldn’t have had as many injuries if they’d called it Spider-Man: Turn ON THE LIGHT!!!! HUH??? HUH???

(loads gun)

(looks into barrel)

Also, fuck anybody who uses XE or XI in Words With Friends. You are not my Friend and I will not share my Words with you.


Re: Death of Ultimate Spider-Man – I liked it and didn’t really have a problem with the spoiler being in the title.

In the Death of Ivan Ilyich you know that mother fucker Ivan is gonna be dead by the end of it, but that’s not really the point. It’s his too-late realization about the way he lived his life and the hope that his death will bring peace to those around him – that’s the crux of the story. Peter Parker’s death is similar in that it isn’t about him dying, though that does happen, it’s that he’s finally able to escape this guilt of letting his uncle Ben die. And he even has that Ivan Ilych moment of realizing his friends’ and families’ lives are going to be better off with him gone.

It got to me.



  1. Jon Hex

    That sounds terrible. A superhero dying thinking his friends are better off with him dead? Fuck that.


  2. Ziah Grace

    Rather, fuck you for judging a comic without reading it. I would agree with LBFA, but Uzimeri’s post prepared me for his death so it wasn’t as much of a “surprise” (as much as it could have been)


  3. thenoirguy

    But if they turned on the light, Spider-Man would scutter under the fridge!


  4. chrishaley

    Remember, we’re here to be friends again, not get rowdy on each other.

    I think I get what Jon’s saying, but I agree with Ziah that we’ve got to be careful about judging things without reading them or giving them the benefit of a full examination.

    As to being prepared for reading the issue in question, it’s called “Death of Spider-Man” so if he doesn’t die, that’s false advertising & if he does, you’ve already given away the ending. What’s a company to do?


  5. JoJo

    What? Spider-Man’s a ruski? The play must diverge quite a bit from the comic book.


  6. lynn

    noooooooo! i don’t want spiderman to get dead! fuck me too i guess :(


  7. Greg Manuel

    I don’t think Peter Parker’s overall story should end with him dying, personally. Sometimes a character deserves a “Happily ever after” type of ending, and one where Peter dies while a nigh-unconscious Norman Osborn gets to smile a little smile doesn’t fit for me. But whatever…

    Oh hey, enjoy:


  8. Andrew

    I like the amount of fucks in this post. Almost as numerous as the amount of times I used “xi” in Words With Friends (within the past few days)


  9. sloppyquickdraw

    I’ve flinched at reading some stuff before, mostly when it’s controversial. But I’ll be damned if I don’t enjoy that stuff when I finally get around to reading it. Anybody else remember a little old thing called “The Death of Superman?” I remember an eleven-year-old me, weeping in the public library. When the librarian asked me what the problem was, I just looked at her and cried harder. So yes. I will read it. Eventually.


  10. VictorWard

    Xu is totally acceptable, though, right?

    Personally, (and although I use it) “za” really pisses me off. It’s supposedly an abbreviation for “pizza.” I’m not just mad that it can be played in the game, mind you – I’m totally annoyed that anyone would refer to pizza as “za” in the first place.

    Goddamn hippies.


  11. Markus Seaberry

    Wow, this is your first reference to the troubled “Turn Off the Dark” play. I would’ve thought you guys would’ve been all over that slow-motion train wreck from the beginning. I know I have been.


  12. ryan

    i stopped collecting ultimate spider-man (and comics in general) when ultimatum was finished. it wasn’t that i disliked the spider-man book, things just got to a point where i was buying so much and needed a financial breather. were the post-ultimatum books any good?


  13. Kenshiro

    Wow, I think the juxtaposition of spiderman and russian literature has actually made me pause and think thoughtfully on something! CURSES!


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