Kingpin’s dick, especially.
September 17th, 2010

Kingpin’s dick, especially.

Don’t disparage a person’s junk, be they man, woman, or child. A lesson I learned the hard way.

So it’s Chris Haley’s birthday. Tell the guy how much you love him over on Twitter.

I remember the day I met Chris Haley. June 2, 1942. The trucks had just brought in a batch of fresh-faces straight out of Basic and one stood out more than the others. Slimmer than a pencil but not quite as sharp, there stood Haley, who the men were calling ‘Two Bucket’ at that point.

“Why Two Bucket?” I asked Sgt. ‘Left-Eye’ Hanson, great grandfather of all of TLC.

“He shits in one and he cries in the other,” the old man from Waco, Texas replied.

Fast forward to Japan. Haley was covered in another human being’s viscera in the middle of some jungle that had never seen the touch of God’s eye and I was right next to him. Our unit was gone and we were surrounded, the both of us sitting and waiting for the end.

A tear started to roll down Haley’s cheek.

“Superman ain’t saving us this time, Haley,” I said, mouth half full of Big League bubblegum, I loved that shit.

“Ain’t crying ’cause I’m sad, Captain,” the boy said. He had his trademark tear bucket in front of him, catching each salty drop.

“I’m cryin’ cause it’s gon’ be funny when these fools walk inna my trap.”

He grinned.

“My second bucket trap.”

So, happy birthday, Chris Haley! You save us all with your tears and your other crap!

-Curt

^ 9 Comments...

  1. Euge

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS HALEY! HOW I HATE HIM!

    [Reply]

  2. Dylan

    I thought for sure the punchline was gonna be:

    “Ain’t crying ’cause I’m sad, Captain,” the boy said. He had his trademark tear bucket in front of him, catching each salty drop.

    “I’m cryin’ cause I just read All-Star Superman. Grant Morrison just gets it, y’know?”

    Happy birthday, The Chris Haley. Truly you are a man now.

    [Reply]

  3. Ricky

    Curt, that story was so beautiful, I had to get a cry bucket of my own. Happy birthday, Chris!

    [Reply]

  4. Larry Koopa

    That story made me cry AND poop….

    [Reply]

  5. chudleycannonfodder (David)

    Happy very belated birthday!

    [Reply]

  6. haughtpawket

    So panel 2 is pretty disturbing. Kingpin’s left hand…Daredevil kneeling there in front of him with open mouth. Most likely intentional, but still disturbing to visualize. It’s like the subject of the strip, “Kingpin’s dick”, has been edited out of its own comic a la Garfield in garfieldminusgarfield.net . And we’re left with the bizarre negative-space to frame our imaginations. I could be wrong. And if not…congratulations?

    [Reply]

  7. Markus Seaberry

    Funny yet creepy. Mission accomplished, I guess.

    [Reply]

  8. o0o

    KINGPIN, YOUR DICK HAS POOR MONEY MANAGEMENT SKILLS AND IS OBLIVIOUS TO MANY COMMON SOCIAL MORES

    [Reply]

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    [Reply]

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